Irving B: Hello! Hello!

Mark S: Irving! It's me. I'm up here!

Irving B: Mark!

Mark S: Yeah!

Irving B: Hey! What's happening? Where are we?

Mark S: I have no f*cking idea, but there's a path up the cliff right down there!

Irving B: Do you want me to come up?

Mark S: Well, yeah!

Irving B: I'm on... I'm on the ice. I'm on the f*cking ice!

Mark S: Maybe get off of it. Come on!

Irving B: I'm coming! I'm... I'm coming!

Mark S: Be careful! It's very steep!

Helena: Irving.

Irving B: Helly! Where did you come from?

Helena: I don't know. What are we doing out here?

Mark S: Up here! Follow my voice!

Mark! Mark!

Mark S: Up here!

Irving B: Mark.

Mark S: Hey! Are you okay?

Irving B: Did you wake up on the ice too?

Mark S: Yeah. What about you?

Helena: On the cliff.

Irving B: Oh, my God.

Dylan G: Is it you?

Helena: Of course it's us.

Dylan G: Holy shit! Out-f*cking-side. Oh, my God. I mean, I knew there was no actual ceiling, but this is f*cking insane.

Helena: Hello? Hello?

Mark S: What is that?

Mr. Milchick (on screen): Good morning, Refiners. This is Mr. Milchick from work, and I'm thrilled to welcome you to your first ever outdoor retreat and team-building occurrence. This ORTBO is in response to your desire to see the outside world. With your outies' blessings, you will spend the next two calendar days walking the meadows, thickets, brambles and brooks that make up the Dieter Eagan National Forest.

Dylan G: Who the f*ck is Dieter Eagan?

Mr. Milchick (on screen): Dieter Eagan? Some of you may be quietly yearning to learn more. The truth you seek lies within the fourth appendix. Kier dictated a fourth appendix in his final hours of life, a text of such sanctity that it is forbidden upon the severed floor. It's waiting for you in Scissor Cave, the very same grotto where Kier Eagan tamed the four tempers for the very first time. And do remember, "Stray not from Kier's path, lest you roil nature's wrath." There will be help along the way. Happy fortunes, MDR.

Scissor Cave.

What the f*ck is that?

Helena: He looks like Mark.

Mark S: Milchick said there'd be help along the way.

Irving B: I wouldn't trust a word out of that mountebank's mouth. Not even televisually.

Mark S: Not like we have a lot of other options right now, Irv.

Helena: Wait.

Helena: "Chapter one. I was not born into this world alone. The lodgings of my mother's womb I shared with another, a twin brother who was called Dieter."

Irving B: Kier had a twin?

Dylan G: That's what those things are.

Irving B: Yeah.

Helena: "In infancy, he was my bosom friend. But as we blossomed into boyhood, he beseeched me to take to the wood with him to live as paupers. My love for my twin unbalancing my judgment, I acceded, and we ventured into the wood towards Woe's Hollow."

Irving B: So, we're to walk in the brothers' footsteps.

Irving B/Kier Eagan (voiceover): "He always crept like this at this hour. Once concealed by flora, my brother unfastened himself. The din of his fervor fell strangely into concert with the music of the wood. His every thrust found rhythm with the trill of the crickets and the moaning of the wind and the snowfall's yearly thaw. Dieter became, on that night an instrument of nature and nature played Dieter with elegance. I had no choice but to listen as he spilt his lineage upon the soil."

Dylan G: Now there's a me one.

Mark S: You okay?

Helena: Yeah. I just wish I knew where we were going.

Dylan G: f*ck.

Irving B: What were you and Helly talking about back there?

Mark S: When?

Irving B: I don't trust her. I think she might be lying about what her outie saw.

Mark S: Why would you think that?

Irving B: Night gardeners. Hmm? It's clear you do not have an objective perspective due to your feelings for her.

Mark S: My feelings for her have nothing to do with anything, okay...

Mark S: Whoa.

What the f*ck?

What is it?

I don't know.

Mark S: Looks like a seal.

Helena: Why does it look so messed up?

Mark S: I don't know. Maybe this is what dead things look like.

Irving B: We should eat it.

Dylan G: Pardon me?

Irving B: We don't know if there's food waiting at the hollow. We don't even know where we are.

Dylan G: They can't let anything happen to us. It's an ORTBO. Outdoor retreat team-building occurrence. Right, Mark?

Irving B: We don't know what this is. We don't know anything!

Mark S: Irving, calm down. We all know you had a bad experience the last time you were outside...

Irving B: Who said I had a bad experience?

Mark S: Oh, my God.

Irving B: What did you tell him, dumbass?

Dylan G: Nothing! What the f*ck?

Mark S: Let's just get to the hollow.

Mr. Milchick: Kier's twin was always with him. That's why we provided the very same for each of you.

Dylan G: f*ck you all. I was right.

Irving B: Mr. Milchick.

Mr. Milchick: This is the tallest waterfall on the planet. You have followed the path of Kier and Dieter, and reached Woe's Hollow. You stand upon sacred earth.

Irving B: We're starving, Mr. Milchick.

Mr. Milchick: Are you? I thought the waterfall's grandeur would satiate you. I'm teasing, of course. Lumon will always protect and provide. Right this way.

Mr. Milchick: Miss Huang has been readying the grill for which we brought in copious luxury meats. The fire will be used for marshmallows and a recital later. The tents, as you can see, are MDR blue and the outhouse is stocked with four-ply washroom tissue.

Helena: Wow.

Mr. Milchick: Wow, indeed, Helly R. Also, for your comfort and safety, torches, which can provide both a heat and a light source. Double duty.

Mark S: It's beautiful.

Miss Huang: Pretty cool, right?

Irving B: Yes, lovely.

Helena: Irving?

Irving B: Enter. Hmm.

Helena: Made you a snow seal. In case you were hungry.

Irving B: Yeah. I feel silly for suggesting we eat that animal. I suppose it sounded alarmist and paranoid. Irrational.

Helena: No. It was fine. We were all a little... Yeah.

Irving B: What did you really see during the overtime contingency?

Helena: I told you.

Irving B: It's okay. It won't change anything.

Helena: Irving. Okay.

Mr. Milchick: "Dieter lay unwashed in his bedroll, though the hollow's pool was primed for bathing. We ate of the hare we'd caught and told each other rhyming jokes till our gullets ached. But at last, the thought tickling my mouth emerged. 'We must return to Father, ' I said. 'But I promise to look after you in the ether mill.’ When at last a sound came from him, it was a bewailing whimper. He believed, I suppose, that we'd be woodland paupers forever. I was looking at him when his eye came out. It popped from the socket, driven by a sudden torrent of pus from his skull. And he reached up to grasp at his hair, which was suddenly moss that tore easily from his bleeding scalp."

Irving B: Good heavens.

Mr. Milchick: "And as the pus from his eye thickened into sap, I turned from my gargling brother and walked to the pool of the hollow, where I knew the waterfall would drown out my brother's cries."

Dylan G: That's actually really smart.

Mr. Milchick: "And it was here that I first encountered the temper Woe, a gaunt bride, half the height of a natural woman. She spoke to me directly from her eyes and said, 'This is your doing. You suffered his wantonness. Now he's no one's brother. Only chaos's whore.'" The end. Perhaps in the morning, we'll have time for the next chapter... "Kier and the Thieving Nanny."

Helena: Hmm. Creepy.

Whoa.

Irving B: Did his brother really die that way, Mr. Milchick?

Mr. Milchick: The handbook enriches our work with tales of the founder's life. Every word is truth.

Helena: I'm sorry. Sorry.

Helly.

What?

Mr. Milchick: Helly R.?

Helena: You guys... He melted, right? He turned into the forest because he masturbated. I mean, seriously, that's actually the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Right? He jerked off in front of his brother and he got punished for it.

Mark S: Wha... You can't say that.

Helena: He just said it.

Mark S: Wha... He did. I... It's... It's...

Mr. Milchick: You know, we often laugh at what we don't understand. The team I thought I knew would have processed more thoughtfully. Miss Huang. The marshmallows, please. Throw them in the fire.

Mark S: Mr. Milchick, come on.

Mr. Milchick: Now, Miss Huang.

Oh, my...

Dylan G: Why?

Mr. Milchick: Marshmallows are for team players, Dylan. They don't just hand them out.

What?

Mr. Milchick: Good night.

Wow.

Mark S: Oh, my God.

Helena: Hey, what do you think his d*ck turned into?

Irving B: It isn't funny.

Mark S: Oh, I don't know. It's pretty funny.

Irving B: Well, it's not.

Okay.

Irving B: And stop making goo-goo eyes at her.

Mark S: I'm not.

Stop.

Dylan G: "Goo-goo eyes"?

Irving B: Just tell us, Helly.

Helena: What?

Mark S: Come on. Tell us.

Helena: Tell us what?

Irving B: Just tell us about him.

Helena: Who?

Irving B: The night gardener.

Mark S: Oh, Irv, come on.

Irving B: Did he have a flashlight? Hmm? What was he wearing?

Dylan G: What is your deal right now, dude?

Irving B: What color was his shirt? Did he have on a vest? A luminescent vest? Tell us...

Okay.

Irving B: ...exactly what he was wear...

Mark S: Irving. Th-That's enough.

Irving B: Enough?

Mark S: Yeah.

Irving B: Using your pupils to make love to her while your outie's wife rots away somewhere.

Mark S: Hey, shut up.

Dylan G: Yeah. f*ck you, Irv.

Irving B: Oh, so it's three against one now, huh?

Helena: It's okay. We all know Irving's upset because he can't ever see Burt again. And he's really lonely.

Mark S: Hey, Irv.

Irving B: f*ck you all.

Mark S: Uh, probably a carrot.

Helena: What?

Mark S: Dieter's p*nis.

Helena: Yeah, or some other root vegetable.

Helena: That was mean of me... to say that to Irving.

Mark S: I mean... he kind of deserved it. And I can make goo-goo eyes at anyone I want. Are you okay?

Helena: Sorry if I'm distracting you from...

Mark S: From what?

Helena: From looking for your wife.

Mark S: Hey, it's okay. I know we'll find her, and you've already helped so much.

Helena: I have?

Mark S: Yeah.

Helena: Okay.

Irving B: Mr. Milchick! Mr. Milchick!

Irving B: Miss Huang!

Irving B: Mr. Milchick!

Irving B: Miss Huang!

Irving B: Mr. Milchick!

Helena: I didn't like who I was on the outside. I was ashamed.

Mark S: Who were you? I don't care who you are out there. I care who you are with me. That's all. Okay?

Helena: Are you okay? What happened? Are you okay?

Mark S: Yeah.

Helena: Okay.

Mark S: Helly? Helly? Hey, where's Helly?

Dylan G: I don't know. Irv never came back last night, and he's not in his tent.

What? Mr. Milchick?

Helly! Mr. Milchick!

Mr. Milchick: Mark. Mark. Dylan, what's happened?

Helly and Irv are missing.

What the f*ck is going on?

Irving B: Hey, kid.

Helena: Irving.

Irving B: What are you doing down here? Hmm?

Helena: What are you doing down here?

Irving B: I slept outside. I almost froze to death. What you said to me last night, it was cruel. Helly was never cruel.

Helena: I'm right here.

Irving B: So if you're not her... then who are you? Who would have the power to send their outie to the severed floor? Hmm?

Helena: I'm sorry. No! Irving!

Irving B: Mr. Milchick!

Helena: No. No!

Come on.

Helena: No! Irving. Stop. Irving, no.

Irving B: Mr. Milchick!

Helena: Please, stop.

Help!

Irving B: Mr. Milchick!

Helena: No!

Mr. Milchick: Irving?

Irving B: Mr. Milchick!

Mr. Milchick: Irving!

Irving B: Mr. Milchick! Come!

Helena: Mark!

Irving B: Mr. Milchick! Mr. Milchick!

Helena: Mark!

Mark S: Helly!

Irving B: Turn her back, Mr. Milchick!

Helena: Help!

Mark S: What are you doing, man?

Irving B: Turn her back!

Dylan G: Irv, what the f*ck?

Irving B: She's an outie!

Hey! Irving, stop it!

Hey! Irv, cut it out!

Stop!

Irving B: She's been an outie the whole time, ever since she came back!

Mr. Milchick: Irving, you stop now!

Mark S: Stop it!

Mr. Milchick: Irving, stop this!

Irving B: She's a f*cking mole!

What are you doing?

Mr. Milchick: Irving!

Irving B: I'm gonna k*ll her, Mr. Milchick!

Mr. Milchick: Irving! Irving! Irving! Stop! Stop this!

Irving B: She's not Helly! She's an Eagan! Turn her back, Mr. Milchick! Turn her back!

Helena: g*dd*mn it, Seth, do it!

Irving B: Yes! Do it, Seth!

Mark S: Hey!

Mr. Milchick: It's Milchick. Remove the Glasgow block now. Now!

Irving B: I'm sorry. I'm s... so sorry, Helly.

Helly R: What's happening?

Mark S: Helly!

Irving B: I'm sorry, Helly.

Mr. Milchick: Irving B., stand. You have threatened collegial m*rder in the pond of Woe's Hollow. For this, there can be no penalty but immediate and permanent dismissal. There shall be no formal valediction, catered or otherwise. Your outie will be notified forthwith.

Dylan G: Irv! I'm sorry! I should have listened!

Irving B: It's okay. It's all okay. Just remember, hang in there.

Mr. Milchick: Please refrain from any further speech, as you are no longer authorized to consort with any severed employee, nor they with you.

Dylan G: Leave him alone!

Mr. Milchick: Turn around!

Dylan G: Leave him alone!

Mr. Milchick: Walk into the forest. Your workspace will be cleared and any personal items discarded. Your file, including any and all professional interactions and personal relations, will be purged and destroyed. It will be as if you, Irving B., never even existed nor drew a single breath upon this Earth. May Kier's mercy follow you into the eternal dark. Now.