S2E2: Goodbye, Mrs. Selvig


(in progress)

Mark S: Devon! Devon!

Helly R: No, no, no. Listen, we're not happy, we're miserable.

Irving B: Burt!

Helly R: They t*rture us down there!

Mark S: Devon!

Helly R: We're prisoners!

Irving B: Burt!

Mark S: She's alive.

Patton: Yeah. Okay.

Mmm. Okay.

Devon: Mark? Here. Will you take her for a second?

Ricken: It's okay. I got her. Yeah.

Devon: Be careful with her.- Don't go far though.

Ricken: Mm-hmm. I won't.

Devon: Mark. So, this is you now?

Mark: Yeah.

Devon: Are you okay?

Mark: Yeah.

Devon: Are you sure?

Mark: Yeah.

Devon: What's my name?

Mark: Persephone.

Devon: Can you spell that?

Mark: Never.

Okay.

Ricken: Babe...

Okay.

Ricken: ...need help with this diaper.

Oh, boy.

Ricken: I think she wants mommy.

Jame Eagan: Fetid moppet.

Helena: Father.

Helena: We'll have someone from the floor liaise with the outies.

Drummond: We need to find out who they talked to. Promptly.

Helena: I need you to go see all of them. Find out every word they said and who they said it to.

Mr. Milchick: And shall I fire them?

Helena: Let Kier guide your hand.

Mr. Milchick: Of course.

Helena: Please, sit. We've commandeered the footage taken by guests. Natalie is already doing outreach to media. And the severed employees who were involved are being dealt with. Thank you for acting so quickly. You saved us from disaster.

Ms. Cobel: Will Mr. Eagan be joining?

Helena: Just me. I personally owe you a debt of gratitude.

Ms. Cobel: It cost me dearly.

Helena: It did. And still, you proved your loyalty tonight. Which is why we'd like to ask you back.

Ms. Cobel: An apology is warranted.

Helena: I apologize. My father apologizes. The Board apologizes. We've treated you poorly. I'm sorry.

Ms. Cobel: I welcome your contrition.

Helena: I'm so glad.

Ms. Cobel: There's much damage to control. I recommend we start by scouring the feed, and I need to interview Dylan G. to see how he gained access to the...

Helena: We have something else in mind. We'd like to offer you a promotion. Severance Advisory Council.

Ms. Cobel: I never heard of such a thing.

Helena: It's a brand-new initiative. You'd be spearheading its formation. Your expertise is greatly valued.

Ms. Cobel: Which is why I should be running the severed floor.

Helena: Mr. Milchick has been promoted to floor manager.

Ms. Cobel: You don't value me. You fear me.

Helena: We fear no one. And if we didn't hold you in such high esteem, we wouldn't be making this generous offer.

Ms. Cobel: I'll put some thought to it.

Helena: Thank you for coming in, Harmony. Mr. Drummond will see you out.

Ms. Cobel: I don't need an escort.

Natalie: Ready?

Helena: Earlier this evening, at an event where I was excited to share my status as a severed individual with a group of friends and allies, I made the poor decision to consume alcohol while on a non-Lumon medication for an arm rash. This had an inebriating effect, which caused me to say some deeply regrettable things.

Irving: Ah, Mr. Milchick.

Mr. Milchick: Apologies for the hour.

Irving: Is everything all right?

Mr. Milchick: How's your night been... Mr. Bailiff?

Irving: Fine. Uh, they're showing Barber of Seville on TV. So I've just been here.

Mr. Milchick: Wonderful. And you're feeling well?

Irving: Oh, God. What did I eat in there?

Mr. Milchick: We just need to know if anything of note occurred. Anything at all.

Irving: W-Why don't you tell me what's going on, Mr. Milchick?

Helena: In the moment, I thought I was being funny. But in the hours since this outburst, I've been reminded just how seriously my family's company affects the lives of real people around the world.

Mr. Milchick: You know, your innie is a friend of mine. I feel confident he'd approve of me saying so. And he's a man of principle, which is rare. Which is what makes this so difficult.

Irving: You're firing me?

Helena: When Lumon falters, it's our cherished workers and their families who suffer first. So for the fear and insecurity this has caused, I must sincerely atone.

Mr. Milchick: You were involved in a physical altercation with another employee this evening. It was brief but violent. And I regret to say that you were the aggressor.

Dylan: Wait...

Mr. Milchick: As such, I'm afraid we've no choice but to terminate your employment, effective immediately.

Helena: Distrust of Lumon has been sadly endemic since its founding. My words provided more fuel for a pernicious hate and derision.

Irving: You can't just do that. What... What happened? Did I break something? Or I-I can... I can pay. I-I have cash upstairs.

Helena: When I said my innie was being tortured...

Dylan: What am I supposed to tell my wife?

Helena: This was a joke and a lie.

I'm sorry.

Helena: I'm committed to this company with every part of me. But I'm also human. Just like my innie... and just like you.

Ricken: Well, that was more drama than I planned.

Rebeck: I guess so.

Ricken: I'll let you know if we do another reading.

Rebeck: Yes, please do. And don't punish the baby, Ricken. This wasn't its fault.

Ricken: Of course. Good night, Rebeck.

Devon: I'm not the only one who heard you say it. It's not like I made this up.

Mark: Right. You know, I'm just...

Ricken: We can reschedule the reading to next month. It's fine. I just have to decide if I'm going to restart with chapter 1.

Mark: So what?

Devon: So you said, "She's alive."

Ricken: If I may...

Devon: I'm trying to help you.

Ricken: If I may, I really did feel it was clear you were referencing the baby. Patton had just saved her.

Devon: Well, he found her, yeah.

Ricken: And I think that your workie was excited. I have to say, Mark, he really is a jewel.

Mark: Guys, obviously I was referencing the baby.

Yeah.

Mark: Okay?

Yes.

Devon: No... Yeah. I agre... I think Ricken is right.

I agree.

Devon: I... Babe, will you take her for a second?

Ricken: Uh, yep.

Devon: So let's... Occam's razor this shit. You're looking for Eleanor, you find this picture, which obviously is of interest to you, so you pick it up.

Mark: Right.

Devon: And then when Patton found Eleanor...

Ricken: Saved her, I'd still say.

Devon: Okay, whatever, yes. You still had it with you.

Mark: Yeah.

Devon: Yeah. I think it's the only thing that makes sense.

Mark: Okay. And Eleanor was in the study because...

Devon: Because Mrs. Selvig left her in there. Or Cobel, whatever the f*ck.

Mark: Right.

Ricken: Perhaps "Cobelvig" would be a helpful nomenclature.

Devon: And assuming that "She's alive" really was about the baby...

Mark: I mean, you don't think it was?

Devon: I do think it was.

Mark: Then why are you saying it like that?

Devon: I don't... Sorry, I'm just exhausted. It's been a weird f*cking night, Mark.

Mark: Oh, my God.

Devon: Why are you getting aggressive with me right now?

Mark: Oh, my God! Th...

Ricken: Okay, guys. Okay, okay.

Devon: Whatever.

Ricken: Let's deal with what we know to be true, all right? Mark's workie went to great lengths to awaken himself to alert us to abuses. Um, he was inspired by my book. He found great meaning in it. Profundity. Um... Oh, g*dd*mn it, Rebeck. Honey, can... Got her?

Devon: Yeah.

Mark: What the f*ck are you even saying?

Devon: Why are you being a d*ck to me? I'm trying to help you.

Mark: I'm just trying to get...

Mr. Milchick: Good evening, Dr. Hale.

Ricken: Good evening.

Mr. Milchick: Seth Milchick from Lumon. Is Mark Scout here by chance?

Ricken: Uh, yes, he is. Um, come in.

Mr. Milchick: Thank you. Mr. Scout. I imagine you have a few questions.

Mark: Oh, you could say that.

Mr. Milchick: May I sit with you?

Ricken: Right this way.

Mr. Milchick: You must be Devon. Okay. So...

Ricken: That is a magnificent helmet.

Mr. Milchick: Thank you. What happened tonight is what we call the "overtime contingency." It's a safeguard we employ if we ever need to access your work personage off company grounds.

Mark: Yeah, you never told me about this.

Mr. Milchick: OTC disclosure can be found in your start paperwork. It seems the tech was commandeered by one of your office mates, allowing him to wake the rest of you for a period of 39 minutes. Innie Mark was here in this house.

Devon: I know. I talked to him.

Mr. Milchick: What did he say to you?

Devon: If I tell you, are you gonna punish him for it?

Mr. Milchick: We have no punishments at Lumon.

Devon: Uh-huh.

Mr. Milchick: We're more concerned about how you're doing, Mr. Scout. I can only imagine how violated you feel by his actions.

Devon: Yes, speaking of violations...

Mr. Milchick: You...

Devon: ...just wondering how common it is for your managers to commit f*cking lactation fraud against their employees' families. Pretty common?

Mr. Milchick: Ms. Cobel.

Devon: Yeah.

Mr. Milchick: What we learned tonight is that she is quite severely unwell.

Mark: Uh, yeah. She lives next door to me. I, like, know her.

Mr. Milchick: And her behavior at Lumon seems to be the source of your innie's distress. She will never descend to that floor again. Nor bedevil you out here any further. You have my word. But we do need to know what we're dealing with. Is there anything? Anything you can tell me?

Mark: I mean... No... ...I mean, we're very tired.

Devon: Yes, we are.

Mark: I think, uh, we've just said all there is to say.

Mr. Milchick: Okay. Of course. I'll circle back. In the meantime, I hope to see you Monday.

Mark: Yeah. I don't know, man.

Mr. Milchick: What your innie did tonight was completely unauthorized. It was also very brave.I'd hate to reward his courage with nonexistence.

Helly R (on screen:) You think we're about to meet our spouses?

Mark S (on screen): Uh, maybe.

Helly R (on screen): Maybe it's each other. That'd be a hoot.

Mark S (on screen): Yeah. Yeah, like, uh, mid-argument over car wash coupons. “Honey, you're cutting them wrong!"

Okay.

All right.

Helly R (on screen): In case we don't come back. Or, I don't know, in case we do?

Helly R (on screen): In case we don't come back. Or, I don't know, in case we do?

Dylan: You got this. No pressure. Be cool. You are so awesome. Smile.

Dylan: May I, um, ask about benefits?

Mr. Saliba: There's a coffee maker.

Dylan: I meant, uh, health care benefits.

Mr. Saliba: Oh, sure. Yes, of course. For you. Your family.

Dylan: Okay. Okay, great. Yeah, you know, I... I think this is gonna be a really great fit for me, Mr. Saliba. You know... ...ever since I was a kid, I've always felt like doors had...

Mr. Saliba: How old?

Dylan: Sorry?

Mr. Saliba: How old were you when you knew you loved doors?

Dylan: Five.

Mr. Saliba: Mm-hmm. If you could be any kind of door, what would it be?

Dylan: Uh... pocket.

Mr. Saliba: Interesting. Tell me more.

Dylan: Yes. Well, you're, you know, doing your door thing and then, uh, when you're not needed, you can just...

Mr. Saliba: Just tuck yourself away. Flat finish or eggshell?

Dylan: Semi-gloss.

Mr. Saliba: Oh. Hmm. That's hot.

Mr. Saliba: You remind me of me, Dylan. You like kickball?

Dylan: As a skill? Or, like, do I follow it professionally? I...

Mr. Saliba: Yeah. We play on Fridays. There's a fun prize if you win.

Dylan: You mean a door prize. Sorry.

Mr. Saliba: A lot of short-term employment. And then Lumon.

Dylan: Yes.

Mr. Saliba: And they make their doors in-house. It's f*cking hubris.

Dylan: Uh... ...yeah. Um, I was a severed employee, so...

Mr. Saliba: You're a severed?

Dylan: Yes. Yeah, I was. Um, but you know, it's just me here and, um...

Mr. Saliba: Well, Mr. George, thanks for coming in.

Dylan: What?

Mr. Saliba: We'll consider your application thoroughly.

Dylan: That's it? Just because I'm severed?

Mr. Saliba: Like I said, we'll consider your application thoroughly.

Dylan: Okay. You're not considering me at all. That's discrimination.

Mr. Saliba: We need a certain kind of person here, Mr. George, not a certain kind of two people. What do you think this is? A carpet factory?

Dylan: What?

Mr. Saliba: You want to circumcise your brain, that's your business. But it doesn't mean I have to hire you. And personally, I think it's abhorrent.

Dylan: Read the room. I would have picked up the phone if it was good news.

Gretchen (on phone): Oh, I'm sorry. You'll get the next one.

Dylan: Stop being nice. Hey, do we need, um... Do we need more baby wipeys?

Gretchen (on phone): I don't think so.

Dylan: You know what? I'll get some anyway. I'll be home soon.

Gretchen (on phone): Okay. Bye, hon.

Devon: So, he's your boss? And what about "Cobelvig"? Have you heard from her?

Mark: I went by there. No one answered the door though.

Devon: f*ck. Well, I was just thinking, maybe there was a way we could confirm what your innie meant.

Mark: Devon. Jesus Christ. Are you serious?

Devon: I know we're not supposed to contact him... ...but Danise is a lawyer and apparently, you can petition...

Mark: I'm quitting.

Devon: You're quitting?

Mark: Yeah.

Devon: Okay. Have you... Have you called them already?

Mark: No, I was gonna do it tonight.

Devon: Uh-huh.

Mark: I'm sorry. Haven't you been trying to get me to quit that place since I got there? I thought I was finally doing what you want.

Devon: No. Yes, but don't you think that was strange last night? I mean... ...why was he so curious?

Mark: Devon, what are you doing? You remember I identified her, right?

Devon: Yes, Mark.

Mark: I saw her body.

Devon: Yeah, I know. My thing is, if we could just get, like, a half-step more confirmation, then it's not gonna be something that continues to haunt us. Do you know what I mean?

Mark: Us?

Devon: Yes. She was my family too, Mark. f*ck.

Mark: Yeah. But she was my wife.

Devon: I know, but you're not the only one her death affected.

Mark: Oh, really? It affected you?

Devon: Yes.

Mark: Did you have to tell her parents that she was dead? How about her students? How about this. Did your sheets smell like her for weeks afterwards? You know what? Honestly, if Ricken died and his body burned, I'd be sad for you.

Devon: Wow.

Mark: But I wouldn't be affected. This is obscene.

Devon: I just want to be sure.

Mark: I am sure! I'll talk to you later.

Devon: Mark. Mark.

Irving: Okay. You're not picking up. I get it. I want you to know my innie got the message.

Mark: Mr. Milchick?

Mr. Milchick: Compliments of the company. We got off on the wrong foot last night.

Mark: Hmm.

Mr. Milchick: Okay to talk a minute?

Mark: Uh, yeah. Come on in.

Mr. Milchick: Thank you. So, Mr. Scout, I know you're still weighing whether to return to Lumon.

Mark: Yeah.

Mr. Milchick: I'd like to ask you a few questions that may inform your decision. Is that all right?

Mark: Okay.

Mr. Milchick: Terrific. First, how happy are you with your current financial compensation?

Mark: Uh...

Mr. Milchick: I ask because our endearment to you is such that a 20% bump is on the table, should you return.

Mark: Oh, 20%. Um. Wow.

Mr. Milchick: My second question is whether a full investigation into your innie's claims, and regular wellness checks from independent orgs, would help you feel more excited to return?

Mark: Well, I... ...I don't know. Is that what they're doing?

Mr. Milchick: It's the first step of many. My third question concerns your late wife, Gemma.

Mark: What about her?

Mr. Milchick: In your intake interview, you cited her death as a primary motivator for severing. Do you remember what you said?

Mark: No.

Mr. Milchick: You said since she died, every day feels like a year. That you felt like you were choking on her ghost. Do you still feel that way, Mr. Scout? The Mark I've come to know at Lumon is happy. He cares for people and he's funny. He knows nothing of the pain I see in you right now. He's found love.

Mark: Love? With who?

Mr. Milchick: The solace you have given him down there will make its way to you. It just takes time. I hope you'll give us that time, Mr. Scout.

Helena: Are you satisfied with this?

Drummond: The sister seems more uppity than he is.

Natalie: So, who are you bringing into MDR?

Mr. Milchick: I've got a floater from overseas and a pair who were laid off from 5X.

Really?

Mr. Milchick: I had 48 hours to pull this together. Hopefully there will be some chemistry.

Helena: We don't need chemistry. We need Mark S. back to work.

Go on ahead.

Helena: Long enough to complete Cold Harbor.

See you tonight.

All right.

Judd: Good night, Mr. Scout.

Mark: Good night, Judd.

Judd: Good morning, Mr. Scout.

Mark: Morning, Judd.

Judd: Good night, Mr. Scout.

Mark: Night, Judd.

Judd: Good morning, Mr. Scout.

Mark: Good morning, Judd.

Judd: Mr. Scout.

Mark: Good night, Judd.

Mark S (on recording): Hello? Is anyone there? Is the Board on? It's Mark S. from Macrodata Refinement. Okay. Well... if you're there, please listen. Now, I know that you want to do the right thing for severed people, which is why I need to see my team again.

Mr. Milchick (on recording): Mark!

Mark S (on recording): If we truly are the face of severance reform, as you say, then they deserve a chance.

Mr. Milchick (on recording): Mark!

Mark S (on recording): Please. They're my friends! You can't just make them disappear!

Mr. Milchick: Of course, I bear full responsibility.

Drummond: The Board's gonna give him what he wants, icluding Helly R. He won't finish without them.

Dylan: Mr. Milchick?

Mr. Milchick: Mr. George.

Mark Wilkins: This is unheard of.

Security guard: I'm sorry, Mr. Wilkins.

Mark Willkins: Three days of work. I broke a f*cking lease in Grand Rapids. f*cking touch me. Give me another reason to sue. f*ck you, Lumon!

Mark: Hey, Judd.

Judd: Mm-hmm.

Helena: Morning, Judd.

Mark: Hey!

Ms. Cobelvig: Hello, Mark. Just back from work?

Mark: Where do you think you're going?

Ms. Cobelvig: What do you care?

Mark: What do I care? What do I c... Who are you?

Ms. Cobelvig: I thought you were quitting.

Mark: I trusted you. I told you what I'd gone through these past two years. You...You were in my house. You... I ate your shitty f*cking cookies.

Ms. Cobelvig: They convinced you to stay? Was a pineapple involved? You're so easy to sway.

Mark: What? So that's it? You're just... You're le... You're leaving? Are you f*cking kid...

Mark: Why did you do this? What the f*ck is this all about?

Mark: Do you know something about Gemma?

Mark: Whoa!